Hazy Revelations

Whenever I meet my female friends and the talk goes to how our perfect partner might be there is always one man who’s image forms sublimely in my head - Mr. Darcy. I’m fairly certain that I’m not the only girl who wishes her life partner would resemble the immortalized character from Jane Austen’s popular novel - Pride and Prejudice. But I wonder why we, girls, gush about this character and make men of our  generation live up to the impossible task of resembling him? Wasn’t he, in essence, a proud and moody man who did not show his emotions too easily?

Well, for me, its not a matter of the pride as it is the willingness to change. It is his unconditional love for Elizabeth that makes Mr. Darcy, a man of immense fortune and connections, change himself and become more “amiable” and “agreeable” to the society. It is also the strength of his character to help Lydia (the youngest daughter who runs away with the disgraced soldier) without taking credit that attracts me towards him. Ofcourse, his good looks are not missed for even a second.

(This photo is put here to prove my last point)

So now to the main point - when will I find my Darcy? Don’t laugh at my candid admission but I have genuinely looked and, even though, there are times when I think someone could come close to resembling this dream - no boy has ever come close to resembling my idea of Mr. Darcy! Is this just a fanciful dream that I will forget soon or are there actual boys out there who are as earnest, generous, caring and genuine as Mr. Darcy?

I was conversing with a friend and he said something which sparked a thought in my mind. He said, “You want to judge so judge, I am not going to judge anybody” in a derogatory tone to imply that me judging that person was not cool. I started wondering - Is judgement as bad a thing as society calls it out to be?

When a person says/does something that I don’t agree with I tend to judge him. If I tell my views to another person he judges me saying that my judgement is not good. So aren’t we, in the end, all judging each other? I’m sure none of us likes to hear this but when I do something nice for someone doesn’t that person judge that I”ve done something nice? Similarly, if I do something bad to someone doesn’t that person judge that I’ve done something bad?

People say you shouldn’t form opinions based on someone’s actions. How else do you form an opinion about someone? Then the question would arise - why do you need to form an opinion about someone? I say, I don’t need to form opinions about someone but I need to form an opinion about everyone and everything around me. If I didn’t have an opinion about the guy who continuously cheated on his girlfriend, would I be judged by the third person as immoral? If I didn’t have an opinion about the latest Macbook Air that got released, would I be judged as ignorant? Isn’t forming opinions a way of defining your personality?

I agree with one thing though - Everything in this world is relative. If I am morally opposed to cheating on your spouse, I cannot judge everyone who do that to be bad people. Some people cheat because they are not happy at home and cannot get out. Similarly, not everyone who lie are bad people. Maybe someone lied to save someone’s life. 

Judgement is not wrong. The world gets by through judgement. But judging others without knowing the whole story is like forming a conclusion of an experiment without analyzing all the data. Incomplete and wrong.

I started university thinking I was the brightest star around. I had the best grades, the best track record, the most number of trophies won and most certificates of merit. Then I met the class of 1999. A group of highly intellectual beings, each better than the other, with more records, more certificates of merit, more trophies, more flings and better grades. In the 4 years at university, I saw each one of them in their brightest hours and their darkest minutes. I came to know of them as a group, as a troupe, as a bunch of people who were popular, suave, sexy, dashing and someone I couldn’t compare myself to. C’mon, they had it all, they got all the hot chicks, they were in a college band, they had funky hairdoos, they smoked, they drank and they did everything that God meant to be cool on our hot planet. They had the best ideas, everything they touched turned to gold, every course they took they aced, every concert they played in was a sell out, and in a single day they managed to squeeze in 25 hours. I on the other hand went about doing what I thought I was good at - being average, being a sportsperson, listening to Backstreet Boys, talking about mediocre stuff and living the mediocre life.

And then something happened. I graduated. I grew up the day I graduated. I matured overnight and opened my eyes and saw that millions before had gone through the same routine - lived a mediocre life in college thinking they were the smarterest brightest beacons in a crowd defined best by mediocrity. And then as I made my way throught life, slowly it dawned on me that mediocrity, intellect, bright, sharp, hot, best are just words - words created by mortal beings to make themselves immortal, remembered, loved. It’s a strange feeling knowing that the people who redefined the meaning of best, were bested at the very game they invented. They were the ones who were the most disliked for their pretence, for their never ending pursuit of perfection, their never ending desire to be liked, to be politically correct, their attempt to fit in, the extra hours they put to be at the top of the class so people would think they are smart. How many of us can remember a time when we were comforted, elevated, inspired by these very people. How many of us remember a time we spent with these very folks when the good ol’ summer of 69 is played at a random party. How many of us remember a time when we took a deep breath, got drunk and spoke the truth to these very people.

Today, as CEO of a PR agency, I don’t thank my parents, my grandparents, my girl friend, my wife, my children, my colleagues, my acquaintences as much as I thank these over-achievers for making me who I am because at the very least, they made me realize who I don’t want to be. I didn’t want to be them. I wanted to be me. And I turned out just fine. - Anonymous

We’re all trying to find our place in this world. But sometimes we get so caught up in the rat race of the future that we forget to live in the present. Live each day like it was your last. Don’t give up on things you love only due to anticipation of the future.  The future will come when it comes because every day the future becomes the present. So live your present the way you want to live your future.